Death To Stanely Burger

Before you my faithful readers continue reading I want you to know that this entry will let you enter into a part of my life that you may not want to enter. But, I feel that the information which follows is imperative to your health and everyone on the planet. So you choose, read on or don't, it's your choice. You have been warned.

Now, it is my personal triumph that I pretty much can eat anything and usually do. With few exceptions i.e. mushrooms and sometimes tomatoes. But those things I do not like so I don't eat them. I have eaten many things that would turn another man's stomach. I'm not proud. Well, yes I am I think I stated that fact a few sentences ago. Sorry for the false statement.

I also am a huge fan of the late night after drinking stop to get something to eat before you get home. Some of my favorites include: Taco Bell(really anything on the menu), Wendy's, the occasional sausage guy outside of clubs in providence and only the Sausage Guy in Boston ( I vomited while eating a sausage from a different vendor once), there is also the New York System Wienies in Olneville(I like em all the way), or Friendly Guy Pizza from the famous Stu the Rappin' Pizza Guy. And there are probably many others but these the top ones that come to mind. Oh yeah and Chinese food, Crab Rangoooooooooooons!

So a friend of mine who shall remain nameless told me months ago about a place in Providence and in CF (central falls for those of you who don't know Rhode Island) called Stanley Burger. I was told by this friend that it was the Olneville of hamburgers. I was excited to hear this and was looking forward to it. Now after a few months I had forgotten about Stanley Burger. On January 9th, 2009 though I remembered Stanley Burger and will probably never forget the fucking place. Well, me and this friend and some other friends went out to celebrate the above mentioned friends birthday. We went to Rick's Roadhouse Whiskey Bar cool place but across the street is Stanley Burger. So after we were out we decided, because I had heard such good things about Stanley Burger to go there for a late night munchie session. So I ordered two Stanley Burgers and a coffee milk and was looking forward to sharing an order of cheese fries.

I watched the Stanley Burgers being made. they are an inch and a half patty in diameter that gets smashed into the size of a regular McDonald's burger and then a shit load of onions are thrown on it and they are all cooked together. Watching this site didn't impress me and I was weary after seeing them cook it but they cost 2.49 with cheese so I had to eat them. They came to me and I ate the first one. It didn't taste to good. It wasn't the second coming like I had been told. On the second burger I scraped off the onions and forced it down too. As soon as, I was finished I thought that I would be throwing up in the parking lot when we left. I was offered the cheese fries and immediately and graciously declined.

Just so you know I hate to throw up, most people don't like it. So on my way to the car through the parking lot I fought the urge to throw up. All the way home I fought it. I went to bed and fought it until about 5:30 in the morning i went to the bathroom and vomited 3 times. Then I had to empty my bowels( oh sorry this is where it gets gross if you stop reading now i won't hold it against you). Oh how shitty I felt. After this episode, I cleaned the mess and tried to go back to sleep it was horrible I felt as if I was going to shit at any second. I was afraid to fall asleep because I didn't want to relieve myself in my bed that would be bad due to the fact that I am turning 32 next month.

So for the next 3 days Saturday, Sunday and Monday I have lived in fear that I would shit my pants. My stomach has been doing back flips and my asshole has been pissing every 2 hours or so. It was outrageous. In fact at 1am on Tuesday i am still slightly feeling the effects of those fucking Stanley Burgers. I haven't stated it yet that Stanley Burger is the Devil and my friend who told me about it and took me there was the Anti Christ and he openly admitted this to me. I must have gotten food poisoning or something bad I hope I didn't get Mad Cow or anything like that.

Now if you have stuck with me this far i applaud you. And you will be rewarded. Now, I used to promote to others that you should look for a positive in any situation because it makes you feel better. I had gotten away from that myself and my wife reminds me that I should look for the positive more often so I have took this opportunity to look for one to see if it really works. Well I found two positives. the first one being that I am positive that I will never eat a Stanley Burger ever ever again. And second I have lost 10lbs in two days. That might be a health issue but for a guy my size it's comes as a blessing in disguise.

So now I say Death to Stanley Burger. I'm out. Thug life. Wait sorry I think that Mad Cow Disease is starting.

ben