Wow, how's that for a title? Sounds like a bad joke...but...before we get to the joke let's get down to the nitty gritty. First things first I would like to start with God. I currently believe that their is a God and that he gave up his only son so that I could get into heaven. I also currently am the worst Christian ever....well maybe not as bad as some of those lapsed Catholics but I'm not judging anybody else. I believe in God but I don't live the life that I am supposed to. I am currently looking for a church that I like but am so freaking lazy that I just don't look. I think that for now I will try to attend the church that my beautiful wife Carla attends and is becoming a well involved member of, so that at least I can hear the word of God. Now, I will have to open my heart, soul and mind up to the word and not the person speaking the word and their interpretations. I will have to let the word speak to me. The reason I say this is that I don't feel comfortable in the church (mentally and physically) but as long as I get the word in God will speak to me through his written word.
Maybe someday I will get off my lazy but and find my own church again. My favorite churches, where I felt I got the most out of God and his word were small churches where the body of the church worked together because they were so small. People would band together and set up chairs for the service and subsequently take down the chairs after the service was over. Now this church has a small church family but I don't know what it is it just rubs me the wrong way. I myself feel, and some people reading this may say your just lazy and judgemental. but I don't feel right and hopefully something will come my way so that I may get the fellowship that I need.
Now, the second part of the title...Jerry Garcia...now I am currently reading a book...well three books right now. One of the books is called "In the Spirit" written by Wendy Weir. This book is a book about Wendy's interaction with Jerry Garcia's spirit during a time period after Jerry Died. Now I have never been one to enjoy Jerry's music. Frankly I think that the Greatful Dead only have two good songs and they are Casey Jones and truckin and even then they arent' that great. I have been asked by people to listen to the music and honestly I have tried. To me most of the music is very bad and out of tune and a live album forget it fucking terrible. I appologize to all the Dead Heads out there but sorry that's just how I feel. Now the book. As I am reading it I feel that most of the book is a crock of shit and this women Wendy Weir, Bob Weir's sister, Bob was adopted by her parents(incase you were wondering), is using the death of a musical icon (to alot of people just not me) to make money, sell books and publish her beliefs.
I personally think she is a whack job talking about spirits, souls, devil hounds and dragons but some of here messages are ok. It's her way of dealing with spirituality. It's almost like she is trying to have her own religion where Jerry Garcia is God. Now she will not admit to this nor does she in the book but that's the way it comes across to me. in the book.
Now, the joke: It's God, Jerry Garcia and me in a boat and the boat is sinking. We empty all of the cargo off the boat to try to keep the boat from sinking. Once we get all the stuff off we realize we are still sinking and God says one of us has to go over board and most likely will die. God and I look at each other and then we look at Jerry. "you have to go Jerry" We tell him. "why me?" asks Jerry. "Well, Your music sucks," God and I say simultaneously. "Plus," God Says, "their is some whack job trying to make you out to be a god." Jerry can't really argue...i mean it is God you know. Jerry goes overboard and drowns. God and I look at each other and we realize that the boat is still sinking. "God, who has to go now?" i ask God. "He looks at me and says fear not my son I can save you and me...I can walk on water," God replied. "Oh yeah, right, then why didn't you save Jerry too?," I asked. "Even though I am all powerful and all knowing, even I couldn't keep both you fat asses afloat!"
Not sure if that joke is funny of not. let me know. I laughed my ass off when I made it up though but I have a weird sense of humor.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What's wrong with people?
Can anyone tell me where we went wrong? I mean as people. We are weaker now, we are lazier now, and people are always looking for the easy way out. Now, I am including myself in these statements that I am making now. I would love to take the easy way out. I am lazy. I don't think I'm weak but I'm sure I'm not as tough as generations before me. But...this isn't about. I just have these questions.
Just in asking myself these questions I have a theory...now I'm not standing 100% behind this theory I am just thinking out loud....or thinking through this blog. I think that we may becoming weaker as a people because we have access to more things than previous generations and because we are more tolerant of others...because we are not willing to make decisions that need to be made. We won't even kill people who have killed other people. Our prisons are over crowding, there are prisoners who have more College education than I do. I may be getting off the subject but if we can't kill a rapist murderer than we deserve what we get.
This whole train of thought was started by me noticing that a fellow co-worker, a subordinate is having problems with the work that is being given to him. He is asked to complete different tasks each day but the tasks come from a pool of 7 or 8 duties which need to be completed daily at our place of business.
I need to give you back ground information. I am a Shift Supervisor where I work but I have been where this gentleman is now. He is one of the low men on the totem pole. I was there. I was given the same duties that he is given. There is one duty that we do called Logbook and phones. The log book is basically the daily account of what happens at our place of business. Phones is monitoring resident phone calls to there parents or relatives. This is the most time consuming dutie there is. Now most supervisors won't even touch this duty, I lead by example I take the duty at least once every two weeks and sometimes once a week. I am not afraid to get down and do the things that I ask my supbordinates to do.
Yet this one person, who shall remain nameless complains about the duty in question everytime he has it and if he isn't complaining he becomes a miserable prick to his fellow staff members and to the residents. He has been doing the job for over a year maybe close to 2 years and he is still not comfortable with this duty. He also becomes insupbordinate. My recent interaction with this man is as follows; I came back to work after my weekend and I gave out the duties as it follows on our duty schedule. This guy says to me I did the log on Friday I shouldn't have to do the log on Sunday too. I argued with this man for about a half hour when in my place of business the staff do not argue with the supervisors but I am willing to listen. I got so frustrated with the conversation and the fact that I was coming from Easter dinner and before that I had worked the over night the night before. I literally had only about 3 hours of sleep. So when I got fed up I did this persons duties for the night and I let him have the day off.
Now, I have to tell you why I walk a little tenderly around this man. I have had issues in the past with this person. This person happens to be black. In no way shape or form am I or have I been a racist but when I argue with this person I feel that he is like second away from playing the race card against me. I have a good relationship with most everyone else on the shift that is at his same level. The thing is they all do what is asked of them when it is asked of them. Even if they don't like it. That is how my place of business works. That's what I do when I am asked to do something and that's how it should be.
My whole issue with this man is why is he such a baby about doing his job. Why can't he do it and not question it. It's how it's been and how it's going to be. Frankly because of him the job has changed because of him. The person doing log and phones used to have to do Safety rounds and do a lot more. But because he can't handle it or it is too tough for him we had to change it. Not my doing believe me. This man is approximately 8yrs older than me and I can't believe how lazy he is. Maybe he isn't lazy maybe it is difficult for him and he can't handle it all at once. But if that is the case then maybe he shouldn't be in this line of work. Everyone else can handle it why can't he. I don't know. But he makes his generation look bad. He might even be in my generation and that pisses me off.
We get weeker as time passes on. In this country we used to be patriots we believed in the system. We backed each other up. There used to be a lot of wrong going on but we fixed that wrong for the most part. But as we have have fixed these wrong things our country has gone soft. We feel we get over worked. Honestly the jobs at my place of business are 90% easy as pie and 10% you actually have to work. I mean seriously right now writing this blog I am at work. What's that say about me....I'm just looking for something to pass the time. I am pissed and I want this country to get back to being strong. Like know one will fuck with us and we can handle anything thrown at us.
As I write this I am feeling very very conservative and I feel that even though I didn't agree with G.W. Bush he handled business and didn't give a fuck what others thought of us. I see us getting weaker and weaker under this new administration. President Obama is our leader and I support him but as he goes I feel we are getting weak. I wait and hope he proves me wrong. I appologize to anyone reading this blog I don't mean to offend it's just how I feel. I heard a story about our president where he bowwed to another country's leader. I don't think our president should bow to anyone. It is definitely a sign of weekness. I hope that what I heard is not true.
Since I began voting not one of my candidates have come into office. I haven't been happy with our administration since Clinton was in office. I wish Hillary was in the office now. Our country needs to be strong. We as a people need to be strong. We need to do the jobs that we are being paid to do. As is write this I say maybe I shouldn't be writing but my duties are done and are being done. I can multi task unlike the man above. I am strong.
I may have got off base and I may be rambling on about nothing. I hope I make sense and I in no way intend to offend.
Just in asking myself these questions I have a theory...now I'm not standing 100% behind this theory I am just thinking out loud....or thinking through this blog. I think that we may becoming weaker as a people because we have access to more things than previous generations and because we are more tolerant of others...because we are not willing to make decisions that need to be made. We won't even kill people who have killed other people. Our prisons are over crowding, there are prisoners who have more College education than I do. I may be getting off the subject but if we can't kill a rapist murderer than we deserve what we get.
This whole train of thought was started by me noticing that a fellow co-worker, a subordinate is having problems with the work that is being given to him. He is asked to complete different tasks each day but the tasks come from a pool of 7 or 8 duties which need to be completed daily at our place of business.
I need to give you back ground information. I am a Shift Supervisor where I work but I have been where this gentleman is now. He is one of the low men on the totem pole. I was there. I was given the same duties that he is given. There is one duty that we do called Logbook and phones. The log book is basically the daily account of what happens at our place of business. Phones is monitoring resident phone calls to there parents or relatives. This is the most time consuming dutie there is. Now most supervisors won't even touch this duty, I lead by example I take the duty at least once every two weeks and sometimes once a week. I am not afraid to get down and do the things that I ask my supbordinates to do.
Yet this one person, who shall remain nameless complains about the duty in question everytime he has it and if he isn't complaining he becomes a miserable prick to his fellow staff members and to the residents. He has been doing the job for over a year maybe close to 2 years and he is still not comfortable with this duty. He also becomes insupbordinate. My recent interaction with this man is as follows; I came back to work after my weekend and I gave out the duties as it follows on our duty schedule. This guy says to me I did the log on Friday I shouldn't have to do the log on Sunday too. I argued with this man for about a half hour when in my place of business the staff do not argue with the supervisors but I am willing to listen. I got so frustrated with the conversation and the fact that I was coming from Easter dinner and before that I had worked the over night the night before. I literally had only about 3 hours of sleep. So when I got fed up I did this persons duties for the night and I let him have the day off.
Now, I have to tell you why I walk a little tenderly around this man. I have had issues in the past with this person. This person happens to be black. In no way shape or form am I or have I been a racist but when I argue with this person I feel that he is like second away from playing the race card against me. I have a good relationship with most everyone else on the shift that is at his same level. The thing is they all do what is asked of them when it is asked of them. Even if they don't like it. That is how my place of business works. That's what I do when I am asked to do something and that's how it should be.
My whole issue with this man is why is he such a baby about doing his job. Why can't he do it and not question it. It's how it's been and how it's going to be. Frankly because of him the job has changed because of him. The person doing log and phones used to have to do Safety rounds and do a lot more. But because he can't handle it or it is too tough for him we had to change it. Not my doing believe me. This man is approximately 8yrs older than me and I can't believe how lazy he is. Maybe he isn't lazy maybe it is difficult for him and he can't handle it all at once. But if that is the case then maybe he shouldn't be in this line of work. Everyone else can handle it why can't he. I don't know. But he makes his generation look bad. He might even be in my generation and that pisses me off.
We get weeker as time passes on. In this country we used to be patriots we believed in the system. We backed each other up. There used to be a lot of wrong going on but we fixed that wrong for the most part. But as we have have fixed these wrong things our country has gone soft. We feel we get over worked. Honestly the jobs at my place of business are 90% easy as pie and 10% you actually have to work. I mean seriously right now writing this blog I am at work. What's that say about me....I'm just looking for something to pass the time. I am pissed and I want this country to get back to being strong. Like know one will fuck with us and we can handle anything thrown at us.
As I write this I am feeling very very conservative and I feel that even though I didn't agree with G.W. Bush he handled business and didn't give a fuck what others thought of us. I see us getting weaker and weaker under this new administration. President Obama is our leader and I support him but as he goes I feel we are getting weak. I wait and hope he proves me wrong. I appologize to anyone reading this blog I don't mean to offend it's just how I feel. I heard a story about our president where he bowwed to another country's leader. I don't think our president should bow to anyone. It is definitely a sign of weekness. I hope that what I heard is not true.
Since I began voting not one of my candidates have come into office. I haven't been happy with our administration since Clinton was in office. I wish Hillary was in the office now. Our country needs to be strong. We as a people need to be strong. We need to do the jobs that we are being paid to do. As is write this I say maybe I shouldn't be writing but my duties are done and are being done. I can multi task unlike the man above. I am strong.
I may have got off base and I may be rambling on about nothing. I hope I make sense and I in no way intend to offend.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Booze, God,the Diner, Mexican Eggs and the murtock list.
The other day I was watching the show How I Met Your Mother(HIMYM). If you haven't seen it I advise you to see it and/or rent the previous seasons on DVD. Well anyways, the show was talking about something called the Murtock list. I have some background info for you if you haven't seen the show, so bear with me. Detective Murtock is Danny Glover's character in the Lethal Weapon series movies. A line from the movies, spoken by Detective Murtock is, "I'm getting to old for this shit!" The list on the show is things that you may be to old to do now that your older than 30.
I have just reached 32 years of age and time is not being good to me although I did run into some old friends of mine who told me I still look the same as I did when I was 18 or 19. Well, I definitely know that isn't true. I'm not sure if that is even a kind statement or a jab. Since I know my friends who have said that are really nice people then I will take it as an compliment. Even though it's totally untrue. I weigh considerably more than I did back then. I won't get into specifics about weight though. Sorry too embarrassed. I am also gaining a solar panel on the top of my head like most of the men on my dad's side of the family.
But I digress....let's get back to the Murtock list. After seeing the episode of HIMYM and an incident that I had this past weekend, I have decided to begin my own Murtock List. Now I am only going to add things to this list as I need too. As of right now I will only have one item on my list cause I have only realized that I am too old to do it this past weekend. So as I realize these things that I am too old to do I will add them to the list and will probably also tell you about them here on this blog.
Well, this past Saturday my friend Chris had a going away party. He's going away to Iraq in a few weeks and will be serving his country. God Bless him. I pray he comes back in one piece. Well anyways at his party he had an ice luge. I had never been to a party with an ice luge before and I wanted to try it. Somebody brought the Dr. and I did a shot. It was great. At the end of the night though this girl Kerry got me to do another shot on the ice luge. She poured quarter of the pint down the luge and into the mouth. It was the biggest shot I have ever taken since a bad time I had at a Camp Elmwood staff party but that's a story for another day.
I got mad props from the people at the party. I'm not particularly proud of what i did but it was cool for the short time that I was drunk at the party. I got an honorable mention on facebook as well.
But I have realized that I am too old for that shit! which brings us back to the Murtock list. Ice luges are going on the list. I did it once and I don't need to do it again. Plus what happened the next morning was so horrible.
I didn't get in till like 3 or for in the morning. The time is under debate between me and my wife Carla she says more like 4 I say definitely 3. Well I woke up at 8:30am on Sunday I had to get ready to got to church with my family for Palm Sunday. Now I am not overly religious right now but my son was going to be a greeter and an usher and would be taking the offering for the service. He looked damn cute in his 3 piece suit. So I am laying in bed awake with a killer head ache after I have taken my shower. I am feeling ok when out of nowhere my son Cody, hits me in the face with one of his books. It came as a complete shock to me. But after that I was never really the same. I ended up throwing up two times before leaving for church in a hungover state. I got to church and only fell asleep 2 times. God forgive me please. But my son was awesome as the greeter/usher.
I don't know why I keep letting this stuff happen to me. I drink way too much and then I can't even move the next day. I'm not a kid anymore. I was saved after church by a breakfast dish called Mexican eggs Great meal from the Modern Diner in Pawtucket. I have only eaten there twice but both times the food was phenomenal.
But I digress again...the list is started and doing shots on the ice luge is done. While I'm at it to I'm going to steal one from the show HIMYM beer bongs are out too. I have never done a beer bong and don't want to ever but if I'm too old for ice luges I'm too old for beer bongs.
Good bye for now.
I have just reached 32 years of age and time is not being good to me although I did run into some old friends of mine who told me I still look the same as I did when I was 18 or 19. Well, I definitely know that isn't true. I'm not sure if that is even a kind statement or a jab. Since I know my friends who have said that are really nice people then I will take it as an compliment. Even though it's totally untrue. I weigh considerably more than I did back then. I won't get into specifics about weight though. Sorry too embarrassed. I am also gaining a solar panel on the top of my head like most of the men on my dad's side of the family.
But I digress....let's get back to the Murtock list. After seeing the episode of HIMYM and an incident that I had this past weekend, I have decided to begin my own Murtock List. Now I am only going to add things to this list as I need too. As of right now I will only have one item on my list cause I have only realized that I am too old to do it this past weekend. So as I realize these things that I am too old to do I will add them to the list and will probably also tell you about them here on this blog.
Well, this past Saturday my friend Chris had a going away party. He's going away to Iraq in a few weeks and will be serving his country. God Bless him. I pray he comes back in one piece. Well anyways at his party he had an ice luge. I had never been to a party with an ice luge before and I wanted to try it. Somebody brought the Dr. and I did a shot. It was great. At the end of the night though this girl Kerry got me to do another shot on the ice luge. She poured quarter of the pint down the luge and into the mouth. It was the biggest shot I have ever taken since a bad time I had at a Camp Elmwood staff party but that's a story for another day.
I got mad props from the people at the party. I'm not particularly proud of what i did but it was cool for the short time that I was drunk at the party. I got an honorable mention on facebook as well.
But I have realized that I am too old for that shit! which brings us back to the Murtock list. Ice luges are going on the list. I did it once and I don't need to do it again. Plus what happened the next morning was so horrible.
I didn't get in till like 3 or for in the morning. The time is under debate between me and my wife Carla she says more like 4 I say definitely 3. Well I woke up at 8:30am on Sunday I had to get ready to got to church with my family for Palm Sunday. Now I am not overly religious right now but my son was going to be a greeter and an usher and would be taking the offering for the service. He looked damn cute in his 3 piece suit. So I am laying in bed awake with a killer head ache after I have taken my shower. I am feeling ok when out of nowhere my son Cody, hits me in the face with one of his books. It came as a complete shock to me. But after that I was never really the same. I ended up throwing up two times before leaving for church in a hungover state. I got to church and only fell asleep 2 times. God forgive me please. But my son was awesome as the greeter/usher.
I don't know why I keep letting this stuff happen to me. I drink way too much and then I can't even move the next day. I'm not a kid anymore. I was saved after church by a breakfast dish called Mexican eggs Great meal from the Modern Diner in Pawtucket. I have only eaten there twice but both times the food was phenomenal.
But I digress again...the list is started and doing shots on the ice luge is done. While I'm at it to I'm going to steal one from the show HIMYM beer bongs are out too. I have never done a beer bong and don't want to ever but if I'm too old for ice luges I'm too old for beer bongs.
Good bye for now.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Revalation
What the fuck is wrong with me? I just have to laugh. In a previous entry I posed the question, "Older or Gayer?" Now from all of the 3 people who read this rag of a blog, I received comments like your definitely not Gayer. I am guessing that for one to be gayer one would have to be gay in the first place. Which thankfully I am definitely not! "Not that there's anything wrong with that," as the Seinfeld characters have said. Yet, I have to regret to inform you that there is definitely something wrong with me.
First things first: I started this blog. It's kind of a journal. Now I may be stereotyping a bit but in my experience journals are mainly for girls. I know their are exceptions and this isn't your typical journal but...I digress. Secondly, that previous entry was written because I found myself enjoying the Stephanie Meyers books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Which are primarily enjoyed by you guessed it girls. Primarily 12-16 yr old girls. Thirdly, I have found myself getting more emotional while watching TV shows and movies which men do not do. Who does this? You guessed it females.
Now what brought this on was the fact that my wife got me interested into a TV Show called Grey's Anatomy. Those of you who read this may have seen the show or at least know about it. I am so hooked on this show I have also become hooked on it's spin off called Private Practice. I found myself feeling for these fictional characters on the television and as some, not a lot, but some tears came from my tear ducts, I asked myself what the fuck is wrong with you Ben? Well, I am not sure.
Now what's really funny is that I have been talking about the book series with some of the women at work and I found myself getting excited to read the next book which is due to come out in the near future and debating about whether or not to buy the movie twilight or just rent it. What is wrong with me? Now, there is a good side to this. A guy at work started to read the series as well. He took the book home and has finished the first book as well as his father. I think they are hooked also and he said it was a good book. This guy was in the military and it makes me feel better to know that their are men out there like me, who like these books.
Now as far as the tv shows. I haven't found men who like it and frankly I don't really talk about them with any of my friends. I literally feel a bit embarrassed to say I like them. But as I said, They get to me, they make me feel for the characters even the ones that are bit one week characters. Now, like I said my wife got me hooked and sorry honey but I started watching because I think that most of the women on the show are beautiful in their own way....except for Meredith Grey...she is just not appealing to me in any way. But now I am vested in all of the doctor's lives. I guess that's why those tv writers are making all the freaking money and I'm writing this silly blog for nothing. Well maybe it's for my own piece of mind.
I'm glad I have March madness write now to keep my male emotions going high. Watching basketball is a manly thing to do. I also can't wait for baseball to be in full swing. Excuse me for a second.... I think my ADD is kicking in....why the fuck is A-Rod kissing himself in the mirror....Oh well back to me. All this bitching has been fun but I have come up with a theory for my sudden burst of sensitivity...and no my sexual preference has not changed. I believe that I have always been more sensitive in then most men. I have always been one to help out people with their feelings or issues that they may have with either some words of encouragement or otherwise but my theory is this, I think it this sudden burst of sensitivity, the crying at the drop of a scalpel on Grey's Anatomy or some other crazy thing, is all due to my wonderful son being born.
When I was in the delivery room I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually see my son being born. But the nurse had me hold my wife's leg during the process and I couldn't look away. I mean some parts were scarring to me and my wife but to watch my strong beautiful wife give birth the way that she wanted and to have my son come out was a emotionally traumatic experience. But I mean that in a good way. Let me explain, those of you who know me knew I really was thinking that I wanted a girl. But once that little boy came out I was overwhelmed. He was exactly what I always wanted deep down in my heart. I saw him and I cried. Yet they were tears of joy the only day close to me being that happy was getting married. But even that doesn't compare to seeing a life be created by me and my wife that was a part of the second happiest day of my life. I'm not sure if that last sentence made sense. I hope you get it. If there was a way to ramble through writing I think that's what I am doing now.
The short of it: Two happiest days of my life were: in 2nd place: Getting married. and in 1st place: Having created my son with my wife.
Since that day, when Cody was born has been my emotional downfall as far as man feelings go. Would I change any of it? NOT A FUCKING CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when I say What the Fuck is Wrong with Me? The answer is not a Fucking thing Asshole.
First things first: I started this blog. It's kind of a journal. Now I may be stereotyping a bit but in my experience journals are mainly for girls. I know their are exceptions and this isn't your typical journal but...I digress. Secondly, that previous entry was written because I found myself enjoying the Stephanie Meyers books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Which are primarily enjoyed by you guessed it girls. Primarily 12-16 yr old girls. Thirdly, I have found myself getting more emotional while watching TV shows and movies which men do not do. Who does this? You guessed it females.
Now what brought this on was the fact that my wife got me interested into a TV Show called Grey's Anatomy. Those of you who read this may have seen the show or at least know about it. I am so hooked on this show I have also become hooked on it's spin off called Private Practice. I found myself feeling for these fictional characters on the television and as some, not a lot, but some tears came from my tear ducts, I asked myself what the fuck is wrong with you Ben? Well, I am not sure.
Now what's really funny is that I have been talking about the book series with some of the women at work and I found myself getting excited to read the next book which is due to come out in the near future and debating about whether or not to buy the movie twilight or just rent it. What is wrong with me? Now, there is a good side to this. A guy at work started to read the series as well. He took the book home and has finished the first book as well as his father. I think they are hooked also and he said it was a good book. This guy was in the military and it makes me feel better to know that their are men out there like me, who like these books.
Now as far as the tv shows. I haven't found men who like it and frankly I don't really talk about them with any of my friends. I literally feel a bit embarrassed to say I like them. But as I said, They get to me, they make me feel for the characters even the ones that are bit one week characters. Now, like I said my wife got me hooked and sorry honey but I started watching because I think that most of the women on the show are beautiful in their own way....except for Meredith Grey...she is just not appealing to me in any way. But now I am vested in all of the doctor's lives. I guess that's why those tv writers are making all the freaking money and I'm writing this silly blog for nothing. Well maybe it's for my own piece of mind.
I'm glad I have March madness write now to keep my male emotions going high. Watching basketball is a manly thing to do. I also can't wait for baseball to be in full swing. Excuse me for a second.... I think my ADD is kicking in....why the fuck is A-Rod kissing himself in the mirror....Oh well back to me. All this bitching has been fun but I have come up with a theory for my sudden burst of sensitivity...and no my sexual preference has not changed. I believe that I have always been more sensitive in then most men. I have always been one to help out people with their feelings or issues that they may have with either some words of encouragement or otherwise but my theory is this, I think it this sudden burst of sensitivity, the crying at the drop of a scalpel on Grey's Anatomy or some other crazy thing, is all due to my wonderful son being born.
When I was in the delivery room I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually see my son being born. But the nurse had me hold my wife's leg during the process and I couldn't look away. I mean some parts were scarring to me and my wife but to watch my strong beautiful wife give birth the way that she wanted and to have my son come out was a emotionally traumatic experience. But I mean that in a good way. Let me explain, those of you who know me knew I really was thinking that I wanted a girl. But once that little boy came out I was overwhelmed. He was exactly what I always wanted deep down in my heart. I saw him and I cried. Yet they were tears of joy the only day close to me being that happy was getting married. But even that doesn't compare to seeing a life be created by me and my wife that was a part of the second happiest day of my life. I'm not sure if that last sentence made sense. I hope you get it. If there was a way to ramble through writing I think that's what I am doing now.
The short of it: Two happiest days of my life were: in 2nd place: Getting married. and in 1st place: Having created my son with my wife.
Since that day, when Cody was born has been my emotional downfall as far as man feelings go. Would I change any of it? NOT A FUCKING CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when I say What the Fuck is Wrong with Me? The answer is not a Fucking thing Asshole.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Baseball Talk, "Why the Yankees?" "Why not?"
I am going to talk about a subject near and dear to my heart...but most of my readers( i think i'm up to 4)...won't like the topic. Ah screw it...this blog is for me to express myself. Plus open minded people should read about things they don't like. They might learn to like it if they understood more about those things.
Well, yes this blog is about the Yankees. Now people always ask me how can you like the Yankees? Or You like the Yankees where are you from again? Other people see me in my Yankees garb and they are rude to me. Oh well to these people I usually just smile and walk away. I will attempt to explain myself on this subject and tell some stories about peoples reactions to me being a fan of the Yankees. The funny thing is I don't give people crap for being
Red Sox fans but usually they(Red Sox fans) find it necessary to give me crap.
To those of you who want to know. There are many reasons for me being a yankees fan and they happened to me through out my life. Here they are you can believe them if you want or not I don't care:
* My mother told me when I was little she bought me baseball cards and I would only play with
the yankees cards.
* Growing up I had a step dad who was a Red Sox Fan and a NY Giants fan...I rebelled and
became a Yankees and Pats fan.
* When I was a kid I liked sports but I only liked watching Basketball...(Bulls Fan too sorry
gotta love Jordan)...I bought a Yankees Hat because I liked the Hat and a Red Sox hat because
I liked the B on it B for Ben. I think people started giving me crap when I wore the Yankees
hat I think I liked the attention back then. The Yankees hat was worn more frequently.
* In the eighties Don Mattingly was cool... and I liked him even though I didn't watch baseball.
* When I got out of high school...I started to watch baseball more...and found a friend who was a
Yankees fan too...we watched the Yankees win the World Series in 1996 and I was hooked.
* I was born in a Year that Elvis died and the Yankees won the world series with Mr. October.
* The history of the team...it's the most known Sports franchise around the world
* The Asian kid in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom wore a Yankees Hat in the movie.
* The Yankees are the bad guys in most baseball movies....ok well some of them anyways.
* Babe Ruth, Lou Gherig, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Roger Marris, Thurman Munson....so
many great players....
Now, here is how some people gave me crap:
* Constant comments from people at work...(at many different jobs)...how can you be a Yankees
fan? They can't buy a championship this year? etc etc etc.
* Walking into a Sunglasses Store(the kind where you spend like 200+ dollars on a single pair)
the clerk says to me "We don't serve Yankees fans in here!" "Nah, I'm just kidding" I walked
out that guy just lost out cause I was prepared to spend money big money on some sunglasses.
* Sitting outside of a restaurant eating my breakfast. When some guy walks out and says,
"What's up second place Yankees fan?" I said, "Do I know you?" The guy drove off. Why
would he talk to me like that unless he knew me. He didn't...He drove away.
* I was invited to a buddies Graduation Party a while back when I got there...I noticed that a lot
of the guys at the party staring me down...they wouldn't even talk to me...all they did was talk
behind my back and give me and my soon to be wife at the time dirty looks all because I was
wearing a Yankees hat.
* I have had kids at work say that they would shout someone wearing a Yankees hat in their
neighborhood. That's just fucked up.
* There are many other instances that I can't think of...I mean it is a regular occurrence
Now, the thing is Now I am an avid baseball fan. I follow through out the hole year. Most people get sick of it cause it's such a long season...not me. I love the Pats but I don't follow them like I do the Yankees. I mean I love baseball so much that because I live in Red Sox Nation I watch Red Sox Games even when they aren't playing the yankees. It's baseball....It's Americas Past time. It's awesome. I find myself even watching games on the MLB network.
Well now I want to address some things about this years Yankees team. Now Yes the yankees almost half a billion dollars on 3 players. Yes they still have the highest salary total in the majors. But If you look at the numbers you will see that the team is still under what they spent last year. I think the team is going in the right direction I also think that they will make a run for it. But that's just me hoping.
Arod. Nobody likes him. Not our fans not anyone Else's fans. He used steroids. He lied. He is probably still telling lies. The thing is I hear radio shows say how they are tired of the A-Rod business. Yet they keep bringing it up. Of course they do they know what sells and what makes people tune in. People love to hear about STAR and how they are falling or not falling. A-Rod even without steroids was a freak. He is the most talented player in baseball. He used steroids...so far we know it was in the past. Get over it. Hopefully He's not doing it now. The yankees are stuck with him for a long time...we know he can be an asshole but he's here for a while.
Jeter...all teams in the MLB would kill to have Jeter on their team. Even the ;Red Sox. The fans would love him...I know many who said they wouldn't but they are fucking liars. He is a clutch guy and always has been.
The two new pitchers CC and AJ truthfully I didn't want either one. I wanted the Yankees to trade for Peavy and to sign Derek Lowe but who am I. I will support those two this year and the years to come. Their on my team now even if CC leaves in three years.
Mark Teixiera...I did want him on my team so glad to have him. I think he will be a great addition to the team. Hopefully A-Rod will get to play with him.
Joba Starter or Relief? I say relief but who knows. No one ever knows. Just imagine once the Sandman is retired Joba could take his spot and take us into the next decade with a dominant closer. Plus with our other pitching prospects coming up we would be set in the back end of games. But again I support what my team decides for now.
Phil Hughes has potential but needs to grow some fucking balls. You can do it you have the stuff.
Andy Pettite...I think the novelty of having you back has worn off...but I know you can give us at least one more decent year...just stay fucking healthy would ya.
Damon...ya ya we stole him from the Red Sox...Blah blah blah...MLB is a business and the players are Businessmen. Damon did what he had to do. the red sox should have paid him what he's worth.
Well....I'm tired I could go on for days...I love baseball and I actually like a few players that the
Red Sox have...I would love for them to be on my Team....Pedroia....Elsbury....Bay. But the fans...I have one favor...Lets talk baseball and not trash talk You guys have one more recently...I'm glad. We one in the past...I am glad for that too. But...right now everything is in the past... this season can't we just talk baseball that's all I want. And when we play each other let's watch together so we can have some fun ok.
Last comment my worst yankees moment ever: watching the Yankee pitcher...I forget who it was give up 4 homers back to back to back to back. I almost contemplated suicide...Just kidding. That fucking sucked.
Well, yes this blog is about the Yankees. Now people always ask me how can you like the Yankees? Or You like the Yankees where are you from again? Other people see me in my Yankees garb and they are rude to me. Oh well to these people I usually just smile and walk away. I will attempt to explain myself on this subject and tell some stories about peoples reactions to me being a fan of the Yankees. The funny thing is I don't give people crap for being
Red Sox fans but usually they(Red Sox fans) find it necessary to give me crap.
To those of you who want to know. There are many reasons for me being a yankees fan and they happened to me through out my life. Here they are you can believe them if you want or not I don't care:
* My mother told me when I was little she bought me baseball cards and I would only play with
the yankees cards.
* Growing up I had a step dad who was a Red Sox Fan and a NY Giants fan...I rebelled and
became a Yankees and Pats fan.
* When I was a kid I liked sports but I only liked watching Basketball...(Bulls Fan too sorry
gotta love Jordan)...I bought a Yankees Hat because I liked the Hat and a Red Sox hat because
I liked the B on it B for Ben. I think people started giving me crap when I wore the Yankees
hat I think I liked the attention back then. The Yankees hat was worn more frequently.
* In the eighties Don Mattingly was cool... and I liked him even though I didn't watch baseball.
* When I got out of high school...I started to watch baseball more...and found a friend who was a
Yankees fan too...we watched the Yankees win the World Series in 1996 and I was hooked.
* I was born in a Year that Elvis died and the Yankees won the world series with Mr. October.
* The history of the team...it's the most known Sports franchise around the world
* The Asian kid in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom wore a Yankees Hat in the movie.
* The Yankees are the bad guys in most baseball movies....ok well some of them anyways.
* Babe Ruth, Lou Gherig, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Roger Marris, Thurman Munson....so
many great players....
Now, here is how some people gave me crap:
* Constant comments from people at work...(at many different jobs)...how can you be a Yankees
fan? They can't buy a championship this year? etc etc etc.
* Walking into a Sunglasses Store(the kind where you spend like 200+ dollars on a single pair)
the clerk says to me "We don't serve Yankees fans in here!" "Nah, I'm just kidding" I walked
out that guy just lost out cause I was prepared to spend money big money on some sunglasses.
* Sitting outside of a restaurant eating my breakfast. When some guy walks out and says,
"What's up second place Yankees fan?" I said, "Do I know you?" The guy drove off. Why
would he talk to me like that unless he knew me. He didn't...He drove away.
* I was invited to a buddies Graduation Party a while back when I got there...I noticed that a lot
of the guys at the party staring me down...they wouldn't even talk to me...all they did was talk
behind my back and give me and my soon to be wife at the time dirty looks all because I was
wearing a Yankees hat.
* I have had kids at work say that they would shout someone wearing a Yankees hat in their
neighborhood. That's just fucked up.
* There are many other instances that I can't think of...I mean it is a regular occurrence
Now, the thing is Now I am an avid baseball fan. I follow through out the hole year. Most people get sick of it cause it's such a long season...not me. I love the Pats but I don't follow them like I do the Yankees. I mean I love baseball so much that because I live in Red Sox Nation I watch Red Sox Games even when they aren't playing the yankees. It's baseball....It's Americas Past time. It's awesome. I find myself even watching games on the MLB network.
Well now I want to address some things about this years Yankees team. Now Yes the yankees almost half a billion dollars on 3 players. Yes they still have the highest salary total in the majors. But If you look at the numbers you will see that the team is still under what they spent last year. I think the team is going in the right direction I also think that they will make a run for it. But that's just me hoping.
Arod. Nobody likes him. Not our fans not anyone Else's fans. He used steroids. He lied. He is probably still telling lies. The thing is I hear radio shows say how they are tired of the A-Rod business. Yet they keep bringing it up. Of course they do they know what sells and what makes people tune in. People love to hear about STAR and how they are falling or not falling. A-Rod even without steroids was a freak. He is the most talented player in baseball. He used steroids...so far we know it was in the past. Get over it. Hopefully He's not doing it now. The yankees are stuck with him for a long time...we know he can be an asshole but he's here for a while.
Jeter...all teams in the MLB would kill to have Jeter on their team. Even the ;Red Sox. The fans would love him...I know many who said they wouldn't but they are fucking liars. He is a clutch guy and always has been.
The two new pitchers CC and AJ truthfully I didn't want either one. I wanted the Yankees to trade for Peavy and to sign Derek Lowe but who am I. I will support those two this year and the years to come. Their on my team now even if CC leaves in three years.
Mark Teixiera...I did want him on my team so glad to have him. I think he will be a great addition to the team. Hopefully A-Rod will get to play with him.
Joba Starter or Relief? I say relief but who knows. No one ever knows. Just imagine once the Sandman is retired Joba could take his spot and take us into the next decade with a dominant closer. Plus with our other pitching prospects coming up we would be set in the back end of games. But again I support what my team decides for now.
Phil Hughes has potential but needs to grow some fucking balls. You can do it you have the stuff.
Andy Pettite...I think the novelty of having you back has worn off...but I know you can give us at least one more decent year...just stay fucking healthy would ya.
Damon...ya ya we stole him from the Red Sox...Blah blah blah...MLB is a business and the players are Businessmen. Damon did what he had to do. the red sox should have paid him what he's worth.
Well....I'm tired I could go on for days...I love baseball and I actually like a few players that the
Red Sox have...I would love for them to be on my Team....Pedroia....Elsbury....Bay. But the fans...I have one favor...Lets talk baseball and not trash talk You guys have one more recently...I'm glad. We one in the past...I am glad for that too. But...right now everything is in the past... this season can't we just talk baseball that's all I want. And when we play each other let's watch together so we can have some fun ok.
Last comment my worst yankees moment ever: watching the Yankee pitcher...I forget who it was give up 4 homers back to back to back to back. I almost contemplated suicide...Just kidding. That fucking sucked.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Older or Gayer? You be the Judge!
Now, I have to preface this entry. By no means am I being derogatory to the homo sexual community, but when you read this entry you will see what I mean. Plus this blog is supposed to be interesting and fun. I have no problems with people who enjoy same sex relations. Maybe the title should be Older or Girlier? I'm just too lazy to go back and change it now. So FUCKING DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, now most of my followers (the few that I have) know that I had recently celebrated my 32nd birthday. Honestly birthdays don't bother me at all. I actually look forward to them. I'm definitely getting older but maybe I am getting a bit wiser also. Who knows. I like to think it's wiser. Well I got really down on myself this past weekend. I know Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Poor Me! I spent not both nights doing something that a younger me would have frowned upon back in the day.
I was reading and drinking beers. That's it the end nothing else. Pretty fucking boring right. Now this could be attributed to the fact that I am getting older but the question of me getting "Gayer" comes from the book that I was reading. It is very difficult for me to say this but I was reading "Twilight" Now I know what some people will say before they hear my defense. "You're definitely getting Gayer dude"
Now all along I have stated that the books have been written for 12 year old girls. But similar to the Harry Potter Book Series this series of books has millions of readers young and old alike. I am not apposed to reading something that is well liked by millions. Some of them have to be right.
Now what if I told you that I read the first installment of this series in 2 days and it was approximately 500 pages long. Now I love to read but that is unheard of for me. But it has been happening more and more lately. The book was kinda lovey dovey for lack of a better word. Here comes the spoiler. If you haven't read it and plan to you may want to skip a couple of paragraphs down. The book is about a girl who moves to a town where a coven of vampires lives. These vampires are special they live by feeding off of animals instead of humans. But the scent of human blood still attracts them and it is very difficult for them to resist attacking humans if blood is spilled. well this girl falls in love with one of the vampires and he falls in love with her also. But the constant inner battle that the male goes through just to love this girl is amazing and also the other dangers that go along with loving a vampire. There is a very tense moment near the end of the book that is action packed and dangerous for the girl. It is a very good balance of romance and action. That is my opinion any ways.
Yet does this make me older or gayer? You be the judge! My wife says that I am a 12 year old girl in a 32 yearold mans body. I feel sorry for that 12 year old girl to have to put up with a body like I have. But anyways you make the judgement.
Ok, now most of my followers (the few that I have) know that I had recently celebrated my 32nd birthday. Honestly birthdays don't bother me at all. I actually look forward to them. I'm definitely getting older but maybe I am getting a bit wiser also. Who knows. I like to think it's wiser. Well I got really down on myself this past weekend. I know Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Poor Me! I spent not both nights doing something that a younger me would have frowned upon back in the day.
I was reading and drinking beers. That's it the end nothing else. Pretty fucking boring right. Now this could be attributed to the fact that I am getting older but the question of me getting "Gayer" comes from the book that I was reading. It is very difficult for me to say this but I was reading "Twilight" Now I know what some people will say before they hear my defense. "You're definitely getting Gayer dude"
Now all along I have stated that the books have been written for 12 year old girls. But similar to the Harry Potter Book Series this series of books has millions of readers young and old alike. I am not apposed to reading something that is well liked by millions. Some of them have to be right.
Now what if I told you that I read the first installment of this series in 2 days and it was approximately 500 pages long. Now I love to read but that is unheard of for me. But it has been happening more and more lately. The book was kinda lovey dovey for lack of a better word. Here comes the spoiler. If you haven't read it and plan to you may want to skip a couple of paragraphs down. The book is about a girl who moves to a town where a coven of vampires lives. These vampires are special they live by feeding off of animals instead of humans. But the scent of human blood still attracts them and it is very difficult for them to resist attacking humans if blood is spilled. well this girl falls in love with one of the vampires and he falls in love with her also. But the constant inner battle that the male goes through just to love this girl is amazing and also the other dangers that go along with loving a vampire. There is a very tense moment near the end of the book that is action packed and dangerous for the girl. It is a very good balance of romance and action. That is my opinion any ways.
Yet does this make me older or gayer? You be the judge! My wife says that I am a 12 year old girl in a 32 yearold mans body. I feel sorry for that 12 year old girl to have to put up with a body like I have. But anyways you make the judgement.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Drunken Story
I have talked about drinking before on this blog and I may have stated that I like to drink. If you know me you know that already. The situation that follows is a true story and will be told to the best of my memory. If my timing in this situation is wrong I apologize in advance but the story actually happened.
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but I didn't start drinking until I was 18 years old. It was the summer after my 18th birthday when I began. I figured that in the fall I would be in basic training for the army and if I could join the army I could drink before I got there so that I could have fun. Honestly that was my thought process. In highschool I wasn't innocent but I was a God fearing man. I still believe in God but before that summer I was strict no drinking no drugs nothing. Signing up for the military, in my mind, gave me a pass to drink, even though the law didn't. Luckily I didn't have any run ins with the law. Names of people and places may have been changed and/or left out so as to not get anyone in trouble.
So one of my best/worst memories of drinking that summer was when me and my buddy David went to a party together. See David and I worked at a YMCA Summer Day Camp. Well, David knew this girl Heather, who I used to work with at this same camp, she was throwing a party for the camp staff that she worked with at the time. David was invited and I think he invited me. I was psyched.
David was excited because he was interested in one of Heather's friends and knew that she would be at the party. We will call this girl Big T. Not cause she was a big girl, but that's what we called her. We were weird back then, who am I kidding we're still weird. Big T was a beautiful blonde haired girl who actually at the time worked at the train station where I got dropped off by the bus that summer and David would see Big T. whenever he picked me up there. It was a funny situation. It's funny because for the first like 2-3 years of knowing david I was there for most of his serious relationship get togethers. Weird.
Ok, so David was excited cause of Big T and I was excited to drink and for the possibility of meeting a girl any girl. Although I think it was more the drinking I was excited about due to the fact that I was able to talk to the girls there if I am interested in a girl I found it hard to talk to her back then. Although, the thought of the possibility was always in my mind.
David picks me up and we head to the party after a long week of summer camp and we are psyched. I think he baught me booze or we waited till we got their or something that detail escapes me. When we arrive at the party I know David, the girl Heather, and the Big T is nowhere to be found. But, with basically eveyone there being camp counselors it was easy for us all to relate even though we were from different camps. Anyone who was a camp counselor knows what I'm talking about it's kinda like the bond teachers have.
Like any party when your young we begin playing drinking games. We played quarters with a pitcher of beer and glasses of beer It was awful because at the time I only drank hard stuff cause beer was gross. I laugh my ass off now when I think of that cause now I mostly drink only beer. So ontop of this beer that I'm drinking I am drinking a mixed drink called a Purple Pirate. Captain Morgan's and Grape Soda. Don't ask me why but at the time it was damn good.
The night goes on and David and I are hitting it off with all the staff. There are good looking girls, cool guys, drinking games. I think we even sang camp songs. It was fucking fun. Once the Captain Morgans was gone I think I started drinking brandy and grape soda not a good combo but as I was drunk off my ass already it tasted fucking awesome. This was also the first time that I played asshole and as you know if, if your a drinker, the first time you play especially if your drunk, you are asshole for most of the time. that was me.
At some point in the night I began to feel sick. I am going to preface what happens next by saying I tried to do the right thing. Feeling sick, I walked to the bathroom and tried to open the door. It was locked. I knocked and from the door I heard, "NOOOOOOO!" I looked around and said is their another bathroom and somebody shouted, "Down stairs, Ben."
OH, I need to tell you about the house it was a split level ranch. If you are like I was your not really sure what that is. Honestly, that might not even be what this is called but I think it is so that's what I'm calling it. Split level ranch: when you walk into the houses front door and you enter at a stair well landing and you can go up or down depending on where you need to go. At the top of the stairs from the door was where the bathroom was located in this house. And at the bottom of the stairs was located another bathroom.
Now after I was rejected from using the upstairs bathroom and was directed to go to the down stairs bathroom, I turned around stepped down to the third step down and became woozy. I literally swayed at that step. Then like a fire hose a stream of purple nightmare spewed out of my mouth and hit the indoor side of the front door. The stairway which was carpeted did not get any vomit on it what so ever I think it was a physics miracle. Luckily for the girl Heather the landing in front of the door was tiled. After the projectile vomit was out of my mouth my body crumpled to the floor and and slid down the stair well a couple of steps.
My eyes opened to my friend David slapping me in the face straddling me saying, "Ben, what the fuck? Why didn't you go to the bathroom?" I tried to tell him that I tried.
"Big T is cleaning your puke up! I sat up and looked and said, "no, no don't clean it. I'll do it."
I stood up and searched for some paper towels. I went to the kitchen and found a role and ripped off one peice of papertowel from the role as I walked down to the landing where I had vomited. It was cleaned up and almost sparkleing. I still attempted to clean the landing with my one peice of paper towel. My friend David took me outside and sat me on the front step of the house. I felt horrible. I had puked and my friend was upset not mad just upset. I probably had inadvertantly cock blocked him. His girl had cleaned up my puke for God sakes.
Some guy started saying to me, "you need to drink water man, you'll feel so much better." My friend David was advising me against this. The yard in front of me was spinning and I felt like complete ass ... no complete shit...acutally probably both. When you're drunk, or at least as drunk as I was, you don't usually listen to your friends at least I don't anyways. I said "Get me the water." A big ass glass of water was given to me. And I drank it all down. Now as most people know, and as my friend David knew, the water would make me throw up again. I pucked in the bushes of this girls house.
Yet, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me I felt at least 50% percent better. Good enough to walk. David disappeared at this point, not sure if he was mad that I didn't listen to him or mad at me because I puked on the bushes. He got over it anyways. I decided, once everything stopped spinning that I would walk around. I went to the left side of the house to the drive way and found a basketball hoop and a ball and a person playing. At first I thought holy shit that's a big dude. I can't play against him but I thought that I could at least shoot around with him. When I got to the hoop I found out that it wasn't a huge dude it was the biggest woman I had ever seen. She was like 6ft 6inches and at least 3 bills. She was like Big Baby Glenn Davis. I began talking to her and playing with her while playing I began to think that I might have a chance with this girl.(Alcohol does terrible things to people) As we played I decided that I probably could get with this girl but I really was too lazy to try and I dropped the ball(i don't think I made a shot, i kept aiming for the hoop in the middle.) plus my less then stellar hoop ability at the time was not helping my chances with this "HUGE BITCH"(duece bigalo).
I went back inside the house and all I can remember is that I started eating pickles and was very obsessed by this. To the point where the other guests called me pickle boy. Honestly the rest of the night is a blur (sign of a good party). The next thing I remember is waking with a raging head ache and drool coming out of my mouth. The drool was falling on the outer half of a hot chicks thigh and said hot chick was drooling on the thigh of some other guy. It was a weird way to wake up. I probably would have been proud had I not been so hung over. As I lay on this girls leg I start to feel like I am going to puke again. I slowly make my way to the bathroom door again and it is locked again. I knock. Again. And again, "NOOOOO!!" comes from the door. I fucking run down the stairs this time. I make it to the downstairs bathroom and luckily no one is in it.
Now I'm not sure if the same person was in the upstairs but Fuck I almost puked on the girls front door again.
In the downstairs bathroom I expended all fluids from my body at the same time. It's gross but it sucks when it happens. I don't wish that on anyone. But all in all it was a good night.
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but I didn't start drinking until I was 18 years old. It was the summer after my 18th birthday when I began. I figured that in the fall I would be in basic training for the army and if I could join the army I could drink before I got there so that I could have fun. Honestly that was my thought process. In highschool I wasn't innocent but I was a God fearing man. I still believe in God but before that summer I was strict no drinking no drugs nothing. Signing up for the military, in my mind, gave me a pass to drink, even though the law didn't. Luckily I didn't have any run ins with the law. Names of people and places may have been changed and/or left out so as to not get anyone in trouble.
So one of my best/worst memories of drinking that summer was when me and my buddy David went to a party together. See David and I worked at a YMCA Summer Day Camp. Well, David knew this girl Heather, who I used to work with at this same camp, she was throwing a party for the camp staff that she worked with at the time. David was invited and I think he invited me. I was psyched.
David was excited because he was interested in one of Heather's friends and knew that she would be at the party. We will call this girl Big T. Not cause she was a big girl, but that's what we called her. We were weird back then, who am I kidding we're still weird. Big T was a beautiful blonde haired girl who actually at the time worked at the train station where I got dropped off by the bus that summer and David would see Big T. whenever he picked me up there. It was a funny situation. It's funny because for the first like 2-3 years of knowing david I was there for most of his serious relationship get togethers. Weird.
Ok, so David was excited cause of Big T and I was excited to drink and for the possibility of meeting a girl any girl. Although I think it was more the drinking I was excited about due to the fact that I was able to talk to the girls there if I am interested in a girl I found it hard to talk to her back then. Although, the thought of the possibility was always in my mind.
David picks me up and we head to the party after a long week of summer camp and we are psyched. I think he baught me booze or we waited till we got their or something that detail escapes me. When we arrive at the party I know David, the girl Heather, and the Big T is nowhere to be found. But, with basically eveyone there being camp counselors it was easy for us all to relate even though we were from different camps. Anyone who was a camp counselor knows what I'm talking about it's kinda like the bond teachers have.
Like any party when your young we begin playing drinking games. We played quarters with a pitcher of beer and glasses of beer It was awful because at the time I only drank hard stuff cause beer was gross. I laugh my ass off now when I think of that cause now I mostly drink only beer. So ontop of this beer that I'm drinking I am drinking a mixed drink called a Purple Pirate. Captain Morgan's and Grape Soda. Don't ask me why but at the time it was damn good.
The night goes on and David and I are hitting it off with all the staff. There are good looking girls, cool guys, drinking games. I think we even sang camp songs. It was fucking fun. Once the Captain Morgans was gone I think I started drinking brandy and grape soda not a good combo but as I was drunk off my ass already it tasted fucking awesome. This was also the first time that I played asshole and as you know if, if your a drinker, the first time you play especially if your drunk, you are asshole for most of the time. that was me.
At some point in the night I began to feel sick. I am going to preface what happens next by saying I tried to do the right thing. Feeling sick, I walked to the bathroom and tried to open the door. It was locked. I knocked and from the door I heard, "NOOOOOOO!" I looked around and said is their another bathroom and somebody shouted, "Down stairs, Ben."
OH, I need to tell you about the house it was a split level ranch. If you are like I was your not really sure what that is. Honestly, that might not even be what this is called but I think it is so that's what I'm calling it. Split level ranch: when you walk into the houses front door and you enter at a stair well landing and you can go up or down depending on where you need to go. At the top of the stairs from the door was where the bathroom was located in this house. And at the bottom of the stairs was located another bathroom.
Now after I was rejected from using the upstairs bathroom and was directed to go to the down stairs bathroom, I turned around stepped down to the third step down and became woozy. I literally swayed at that step. Then like a fire hose a stream of purple nightmare spewed out of my mouth and hit the indoor side of the front door. The stairway which was carpeted did not get any vomit on it what so ever I think it was a physics miracle. Luckily for the girl Heather the landing in front of the door was tiled. After the projectile vomit was out of my mouth my body crumpled to the floor and and slid down the stair well a couple of steps.
My eyes opened to my friend David slapping me in the face straddling me saying, "Ben, what the fuck? Why didn't you go to the bathroom?" I tried to tell him that I tried.
"Big T is cleaning your puke up! I sat up and looked and said, "no, no don't clean it. I'll do it."
I stood up and searched for some paper towels. I went to the kitchen and found a role and ripped off one peice of papertowel from the role as I walked down to the landing where I had vomited. It was cleaned up and almost sparkleing. I still attempted to clean the landing with my one peice of paper towel. My friend David took me outside and sat me on the front step of the house. I felt horrible. I had puked and my friend was upset not mad just upset. I probably had inadvertantly cock blocked him. His girl had cleaned up my puke for God sakes.
Some guy started saying to me, "you need to drink water man, you'll feel so much better." My friend David was advising me against this. The yard in front of me was spinning and I felt like complete ass ... no complete shit...acutally probably both. When you're drunk, or at least as drunk as I was, you don't usually listen to your friends at least I don't anyways. I said "Get me the water." A big ass glass of water was given to me. And I drank it all down. Now as most people know, and as my friend David knew, the water would make me throw up again. I pucked in the bushes of this girls house.
Yet, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me I felt at least 50% percent better. Good enough to walk. David disappeared at this point, not sure if he was mad that I didn't listen to him or mad at me because I puked on the bushes. He got over it anyways. I decided, once everything stopped spinning that I would walk around. I went to the left side of the house to the drive way and found a basketball hoop and a ball and a person playing. At first I thought holy shit that's a big dude. I can't play against him but I thought that I could at least shoot around with him. When I got to the hoop I found out that it wasn't a huge dude it was the biggest woman I had ever seen. She was like 6ft 6inches and at least 3 bills. She was like Big Baby Glenn Davis. I began talking to her and playing with her while playing I began to think that I might have a chance with this girl.(Alcohol does terrible things to people) As we played I decided that I probably could get with this girl but I really was too lazy to try and I dropped the ball(i don't think I made a shot, i kept aiming for the hoop in the middle.) plus my less then stellar hoop ability at the time was not helping my chances with this "HUGE BITCH"(duece bigalo).
I went back inside the house and all I can remember is that I started eating pickles and was very obsessed by this. To the point where the other guests called me pickle boy. Honestly the rest of the night is a blur (sign of a good party). The next thing I remember is waking with a raging head ache and drool coming out of my mouth. The drool was falling on the outer half of a hot chicks thigh and said hot chick was drooling on the thigh of some other guy. It was a weird way to wake up. I probably would have been proud had I not been so hung over. As I lay on this girls leg I start to feel like I am going to puke again. I slowly make my way to the bathroom door again and it is locked again. I knock. Again. And again, "NOOOOO!!" comes from the door. I fucking run down the stairs this time. I make it to the downstairs bathroom and luckily no one is in it.
Now I'm not sure if the same person was in the upstairs but Fuck I almost puked on the girls front door again.
In the downstairs bathroom I expended all fluids from my body at the same time. It's gross but it sucks when it happens. I don't wish that on anyone. But all in all it was a good night.
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