Drunken Story

I have talked about drinking before on this blog and I may have stated that I like to drink. If you know me you know that already. The situation that follows is a true story and will be told to the best of my memory. If my timing in this situation is wrong I apologize in advance but the story actually happened.



I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but I didn't start drinking until I was 18 years old. It was the summer after my 18th birthday when I began. I figured that in the fall I would be in basic training for the army and if I could join the army I could drink before I got there so that I could have fun. Honestly that was my thought process. In highschool I wasn't innocent but I was a God fearing man. I still believe in God but before that summer I was strict no drinking no drugs nothing. Signing up for the military, in my mind, gave me a pass to drink, even though the law didn't. Luckily I didn't have any run ins with the law. Names of people and places may have been changed and/or left out so as to not get anyone in trouble.



So one of my best/worst memories of drinking that summer was when me and my buddy David went to a party together. See David and I worked at a YMCA Summer Day Camp. Well, David knew this girl Heather, who I used to work with at this same camp, she was throwing a party for the camp staff that she worked with at the time. David was invited and I think he invited me. I was psyched.



David was excited because he was interested in one of Heather's friends and knew that she would be at the party. We will call this girl Big T. Not cause she was a big girl, but that's what we called her. We were weird back then, who am I kidding we're still weird. Big T was a beautiful blonde haired girl who actually at the time worked at the train station where I got dropped off by the bus that summer and David would see Big T. whenever he picked me up there. It was a funny situation. It's funny because for the first like 2-3 years of knowing david I was there for most of his serious relationship get togethers. Weird.



Ok, so David was excited cause of Big T and I was excited to drink and for the possibility of meeting a girl any girl. Although I think it was more the drinking I was excited about due to the fact that I was able to talk to the girls there if I am interested in a girl I found it hard to talk to her back then. Although, the thought of the possibility was always in my mind.



David picks me up and we head to the party after a long week of summer camp and we are psyched. I think he baught me booze or we waited till we got their or something that detail escapes me. When we arrive at the party I know David, the girl Heather, and the Big T is nowhere to be found. But, with basically eveyone there being camp counselors it was easy for us all to relate even though we were from different camps. Anyone who was a camp counselor knows what I'm talking about it's kinda like the bond teachers have.



Like any party when your young we begin playing drinking games. We played quarters with a pitcher of beer and glasses of beer It was awful because at the time I only drank hard stuff cause beer was gross. I laugh my ass off now when I think of that cause now I mostly drink only beer. So ontop of this beer that I'm drinking I am drinking a mixed drink called a Purple Pirate. Captain Morgan's and Grape Soda. Don't ask me why but at the time it was damn good.



The night goes on and David and I are hitting it off with all the staff. There are good looking girls, cool guys, drinking games. I think we even sang camp songs. It was fucking fun. Once the Captain Morgans was gone I think I started drinking brandy and grape soda not a good combo but as I was drunk off my ass already it tasted fucking awesome. This was also the first time that I played asshole and as you know if, if your a drinker, the first time you play especially if your drunk, you are asshole for most of the time. that was me.



At some point in the night I began to feel sick. I am going to preface what happens next by saying I tried to do the right thing. Feeling sick, I walked to the bathroom and tried to open the door. It was locked. I knocked and from the door I heard, "NOOOOOOO!" I looked around and said is their another bathroom and somebody shouted, "Down stairs, Ben."



OH, I need to tell you about the house it was a split level ranch. If you are like I was your not really sure what that is. Honestly, that might not even be what this is called but I think it is so that's what I'm calling it. Split level ranch: when you walk into the houses front door and you enter at a stair well landing and you can go up or down depending on where you need to go. At the top of the stairs from the door was where the bathroom was located in this house. And at the bottom of the stairs was located another bathroom.



Now after I was rejected from using the upstairs bathroom and was directed to go to the down stairs bathroom, I turned around stepped down to the third step down and became woozy. I literally swayed at that step. Then like a fire hose a stream of purple nightmare spewed out of my mouth and hit the indoor side of the front door. The stairway which was carpeted did not get any vomit on it what so ever I think it was a physics miracle. Luckily for the girl Heather the landing in front of the door was tiled. After the projectile vomit was out of my mouth my body crumpled to the floor and and slid down the stair well a couple of steps.



My eyes opened to my friend David slapping me in the face straddling me saying, "Ben, what the fuck? Why didn't you go to the bathroom?" I tried to tell him that I tried.



"Big T is cleaning your puke up! I sat up and looked and said, "no, no don't clean it. I'll do it."



I stood up and searched for some paper towels. I went to the kitchen and found a role and ripped off one peice of papertowel from the role as I walked down to the landing where I had vomited. It was cleaned up and almost sparkleing. I still attempted to clean the landing with my one peice of paper towel. My friend David took me outside and sat me on the front step of the house. I felt horrible. I had puked and my friend was upset not mad just upset. I probably had inadvertantly cock blocked him. His girl had cleaned up my puke for God sakes.



Some guy started saying to me, "you need to drink water man, you'll feel so much better." My friend David was advising me against this. The yard in front of me was spinning and I felt like complete ass ... no complete shit...acutally probably both. When you're drunk, or at least as drunk as I was, you don't usually listen to your friends at least I don't anyways. I said "Get me the water." A big ass glass of water was given to me. And I drank it all down. Now as most people know, and as my friend David knew, the water would make me throw up again. I pucked in the bushes of this girls house.



Yet, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me I felt at least 50% percent better. Good enough to walk. David disappeared at this point, not sure if he was mad that I didn't listen to him or mad at me because I puked on the bushes. He got over it anyways. I decided, once everything stopped spinning that I would walk around. I went to the left side of the house to the drive way and found a basketball hoop and a ball and a person playing. At first I thought holy shit that's a big dude. I can't play against him but I thought that I could at least shoot around with him. When I got to the hoop I found out that it wasn't a huge dude it was the biggest woman I had ever seen. She was like 6ft 6inches and at least 3 bills. She was like Big Baby Glenn Davis. I began talking to her and playing with her while playing I began to think that I might have a chance with this girl.(Alcohol does terrible things to people) As we played I decided that I probably could get with this girl but I really was too lazy to try and I dropped the ball(i don't think I made a shot, i kept aiming for the hoop in the middle.) plus my less then stellar hoop ability at the time was not helping my chances with this "HUGE BITCH"(duece bigalo).

I went back inside the house and all I can remember is that I started eating pickles and was very obsessed by this. To the point where the other guests called me pickle boy. Honestly the rest of the night is a blur (sign of a good party). The next thing I remember is waking with a raging head ache and drool coming out of my mouth. The drool was falling on the outer half of a hot chicks thigh and said hot chick was drooling on the thigh of some other guy. It was a weird way to wake up. I probably would have been proud had I not been so hung over. As I lay on this girls leg I start to feel like I am going to puke again. I slowly make my way to the bathroom door again and it is locked again. I knock. Again. And again, "NOOOOO!!" comes from the door. I fucking run down the stairs this time. I make it to the downstairs bathroom and luckily no one is in it.

Now I'm not sure if the same person was in the upstairs but Fuck I almost puked on the girls front door again.

In the downstairs bathroom I expended all fluids from my body at the same time. It's gross but it sucks when it happens. I don't wish that on anyone. But all in all it was a good night.