Dudity Revisited

Now as some of my loyal readers know I have recently joined facebook, which I am absolutely addicted to. Since joining facebook I have joined a couple of groups on facebook, the most recent one is called Man Law. So far there is no manlaw about blogging so I am safe with this stuff for now. The second thing that there is no manlaw for is Dudity in movies. I mean how should men handle this. For me dudity is disgusting but since my last entry I have found myself (still disgusted at dudity but....) laughing and understanding the comedic value of dudity in some movies.

If cock and balls and man ass is in a movie that is fucking hilarious than is it ok if it grosses you out but makes you laugh at the same time? This is my new dilemma. As more and more comedies come out, I have found that every movie is looking to out do all of it's predecessors. And in doing so some of these movies have turned to using more and more dudity.

Now I have to revisit my feelings on dudity because of two recently released movies. About a month ago the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall was released on DVD. Funny movie. Another hit for Apatow productions(the guys who brought you Anchorman, 40 year old virgin, and Freaks and Geeks, just to name a few). In this movie you see quite a bit of man meat. Now, I was utterly disgusted by the sight of a mans genitalia, the way in which it was shown was fucking hilarious. A girl was breaking up with her boyfriend for six years and he was completely in the dude(nude). As the girl pleaded for the man to put some clothing on and break up with said man. The camera kept flashing the mans hog. It was I think to show how the girl was seeing it and how uncomfortable it made her. I found myself very uncomfortable but also found myself laughing hysterically.

The next movie that I found dudity funny was in a Kevin Smith flick that was just released yesterday called Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Fucking great movie. Kevin smith is a God among movie makers. But he also chose to use dudity in a funny way. At the end of the movie Zack runs into his old apartment to tell his ex roommate Miri that he loves her and as he tries out walks Jason Mewes completely dude(nude) cock and balls swinging. As the camera follows Mewes to the refrigerator you see him bend down to get something out of the old icebox and you see him from behind with his twig and berries dangling in the breeze. It was fucking gross but I couldn't help but laugh my ass off.

Now is dudity ok if it makes you laugh. My gut says no fucking way. But as an aspiring movie writer....Maybe...the jury is not in on that one yet. We'll see... when I have an answer you will have an answer.

Ben

A whole new way to eat breakfast!

I have invented the greatest thing in the breakfast world! The Cheeseburger Omelet. Now at first thought it might sound disgusting, but all other meats get put into omelets why not beef. I was at home with my son. We were both hungry so I ventured into the refrigerator. I found some ground beef that was already prepared. Then I looked to the door and saw eggs. Then I thought what's an omelet without cheese. Wallah! Cheeseburger Omelet. It was one of the most amazazing things that I have ever tasted.

My next step is to create the Newest trend that will be bigger than the Cheeseburger Omelet. The Bacon Cheeseburger Omelet.

Now my wife hates when I start to create foods in the kitchen. She thinks everything I make is disgusting but she never tries it. All I do when I create foods is put together things that I like when they are separate and put them together. But this approach can be dangerous. Don't try to combine Twinkies and Buffalo chicken fingers not a good mix. Ah Just kidding I never tried that but that just wouldn't be a good thing.

Please return to find out my newest recipe.

What's with the Loofah Sponge?

So for about a decade or maybe even two, I'm not really even sure, there has been non-male item in the bathroom among many non-male items in the bathroom, called the Loofah sponge women have been exfoliating there skin or some kinda shit with it for as long as it has been around. Men have always been intrigued with this loofah thing that hands like a wet doily in the shower. It's usually frilly looking and very unmasculine (like a doily). But men have pondered over this object for years now.

I mean what can the loofah do that a wash cloth can't? Can any women explain that to me? I mean most men that I have poled about the subject might not even use a wash clothe, they just use straight soap on their bodies. Now I know some men who are curious have said that they have tried using the loofah without telling any one since the beginning of the loofah sponge, because they were embarrassed that they were using something so dainty and pink(or some other feminine color). Some men, in just recent years have started using the loofah on a regular basis only if there significant others buy them a masculine colored loofah which mainly only come in baby blue as the most masculine color. Until now....

The marketing geniuses at the axe body spray company came up with a way to sell more loofahs to men. They created a line of shower gels/body washes to sell to men. Again why do we need these things when we have straight soap like Irish Spring or Lever 2000 for all those 2000 parts. Yet there was still a problem the damn colors of damn loofahs were still feminine in nature. So I believe these marketing geniuses started to watch old reruns of Home Improvement or the hired Tim The Tool Man Taylor to help the new and improved loofah for men. It is mostly black with some red in it. Very manly! AAAAR AAAR AARRRHHHHH. But they didn't stop there. NOOOAAARGGHH! Now the put in this useless black rubber to hold the loofah which looks like a 4x4 tire. Manly i think so. AAAAR AAARR AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH. But they were still not done. The added a different feeling cleaning surface to the other side of that rubber part and said it is rougher feeling than the loofah part so that it can get that really manly dirty areas especially clean.

Well let me tell you something. THEY GOT ME I'M HOOKED! I fell for the manly stuff and damn does that new man loofah look cool in my shower it hangs right near my baby blue one. I still don't really get what the loofah does so special but it sure feels nice on those hard to reach places. Just kidding! or am I?

Summer Camp Story part 1

A phone is ringing. The room housing the phone is pitch black except for the red blinking light of the answering machine, which is attached to the phone. The answering machine picks up and states to the pitch black room and the person who is calling, "You've reached Sean, I can't come to the phone right now cause I'm taking a shit!" Then the voice on the answering machine belches and then a series of annoying beeps blair out into the dark room. The caller states, "Nice Sean, real nice, It's Dad calling to remind you that you and Mike are supposed to help me out at the camp today...see you when you get here." A click. The room is once again quiet. Suddenly a chrunching noise begins ever so softly. A female voice asks, "what the fuck is that noise," The light comes on in the room. A man is standing beside a bed eating a bowl of cereal. There are 3 people in the bed two females and one man. As soon as the light comes on the man eating the cereal states, "It's my captain crunch!" the Two women sit up in the bed and scream. They are topless. the man in the middle has a hand over his eyes, the two women bolt from the room and scream obscenities as they leave. The man left in bed states, " nice mike, nice did you have to do that again?" the two men end up laughing at the situation.

Movie Review "Feast 2"

Now I am a huge fan of the movie "Feast" so of course I was skeptical when I found out that a sequel was made. Most sequels never live up to the original. With few exceptions. In the horror genre it is almost unheard of that the sequels even come close. Although lately some newer sequels do hold up. In my opinion the SAW sequels so far have lived up to the hype. Hostel II in my opinion was far superior a movie than the first one(except for the uncalled for dudity). But I loved "Feast." For those of you who have not seen the movie it was a Project Green Light production which I whole heartedly believe in anyways.

I digress. "Feast 2" what can I say about the movie. The original was fucked up and I had no idea what they could do to top it so needless to say I was not expecting much. After watching the movie I really can't do justice by explaining it but I am going to try. The first movie takes place in a bar setting and the patrons of the unnamed bar are trying to survive an attack by what is thought to be an alien force or a military experiment gone bad. They don't really explain what the creatures are that are attacking the bar. Some stars in the movie are actors such as Judah Freidlander of 30 rock, Eric Dane of Grey's Anatomy(McSteamy)(I know it's gay that I know that), Baltezar Ghetti, Henry Rollins, and of course the legendary Jason Mewes. The Aliens are this violent, vicious, and seemingly sex crazed beasts with razor sharp claws and teeth and have the ability to reproduce almost with Polaroid like speed. At the end of the movie I believe 3 survivors are left standing and they drive away. You must see this movie before you see the sequel. If you think the first movie is fucked and are disgusted by it don't see the second film but if you loved it like me see the sequel.

Now in the beginning of "Feast 2"it starts off with you seeing the car driving away from the first movie but you never see what happens to the survivors of the first movie or so you think. Two survivors that you thought were dead are in the original movie. The writers also bring in some great new characters to the film, and Judah Freidlander makes an appearance as well in a weird dream sequence. The new cast of characters include a Mexican Midget Tag Team wrestling duo(which is funny in it's own right), a hobo a car salesmen whose wife is cheating on him, his cheating wife and her lover are also in the movie. The movie is so much more over the top than the first one. With some disturbing visual images ( this movie is not recomended for the faint of heart or young children) the filmakers make you laugh, gasp and want to vomit all at the same time.

I'm not sure how I really feel. I don't know if I like the movie or if I am still in shock by the attroshesness of the movie that is called "Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds" I will have to see it again. What makes me wonder is that the team that has brought you these two lovely movies is at it again with the 3rd installment of this franchise. The next movie is called, "Feast 3: The Happy Finish" I don't know how they can top what they already have but I know that I will definitely be watching it at some point.

Well that is my movie review and the latest blog by yours truly

Ben

I hate being late!

First of all I want to appologize for not writing mor consistently in my blog. I started out great in the beginning but then I got short on ideas for writing. I have been very busy lately. Working two jobs trying to get to all the places I need to be and to get there on time. Speaking of being places on time. I seriously get pissed off if I am late to pretty much any function or job.

I get so infuriated when I am not leaving when I plan to leave to get to what I need to on time. But I have been thinking lately life is too short to worry about little things. As the book says, "Don't sweat the small stuff." That's a good quote and a good book. If you can't change it why let it get you mad.

Now my wife may think this whole thing is about her cause she has a hard time being ontime for stuff. But to her credit she is always making sure we have what we need before we leave for an outing. So as much as I get frustrated with her when I feel she is making me late. I need her to do the things that she does. So right now I will try and not get so frustrated with her when I am waiting in the car for her to go anywhere.

As for updates on the blog, many of you know that I am an aspiring writer. I may be placing some of the things that that I write on this blog whether it be from my movie or the many book ideas I have or short stories or poems. who knows! But I will also be writing some of the things that make me go HMMMM. I will try to be more diligent and consisten when writing. If you haven't given up on me and are still checking this out thank you and feel free to pass it on to your friends and family if they can handle my writing and some of the crudeness of my upcoming work that I may be posting.

Thanks Again,

Ben

It's been a while

It's been a while since I last wrote on this blog or is it in this blog. Ah who cares. I am actually pretty happy right now I am listening to the yankees online and they are smashing the seattle mariners. I haven't written in a while because I haven't been able to think of anything to write about. But as I sit here and listen to the yankees broadcast I want to talk about the redsox and the yankees.

People always ask me why do you like the yankees. Well all I can say is that I chose the Yankees as my favorite team when I was younger and I have stuck by my team. Then people ask well how did you come about choosing them aren't you from Massachusetts. My response is well yes I am from Mass but I am also from the USA which is a free country and I can like who I want.

One reason I have chosen them as my team is that growing up I had a step father who liked the red sox and the new york giants so as most kids do they go against their step fathers and I began liking the yankees and the patriots/vikings. (if you must know I like the bulls in basketball the celtics are my second favorite team)

My question is why do people get pissed at me because I am a yankees fan. I think I am a pretty nice guy. I don't go looking for trouble but because I wear a yankees hat or t shirt people feel it is their responsibility to give me shit. whether I know them or not.

Example #1: I was sitting outside of the Gourmet Penguin(no longer there) waiting for a taxi and eating my breakfast. When out walks a redsox fan who states "what's up second place yankees fan" Now I believe that that particular year the redsox finished second and the yankees first in their division. I'm not saying that to put it in anyone's face but that guy who said that. I didn't know him and I was minding my own business trying to enjoy my breakfast. What an asshole he was.

Example #2: I walk into a store to purchase a pair of sunglasses. It was a specialty store which sold only sunglasses. So needless to say I was looking to purchase an expensive pair of sunglasses. As I walk in the guy working the counter states, "oh we don't serve yankees fans here" He was obviously joking but I walked out and didn't buy a pair of sunglasses from him. Now the guy was not the owner of the store and I'm sure the owner would not have liked what the clerk did but he did it and he lost a sale but it was only one but I had to make a stand.

What right do redsox fans have to be assholes especially to a guy who minds his own business most of the time.

My thing is now the redsox are clearly the better team I mean damn 2 world series in 4 years. We suck now we are in the basement and the redsox are probably going to win again now leave us yankee fans alone. I don't put anything in your face. I personally don't even use the 26 world series titles as an argument. You have to judge your team in the present and every redsox fan should know about that.

I just want to say you don't have to stop crying about how the yankees suck just stop crying to me. I know currently we suck.

Do I think we can come back of course I do it will be very tough with our pitching staff that we have and our bullpen. But I think we can atleast make it interesting again.

Well this is not to pose a fight but to ask to stop the fighting.